I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
