M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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