Pappa wants mamma naked
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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