My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
