Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
