gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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