So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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