I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
