i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
