I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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