the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
