I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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