There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
