so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
