I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
