Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize