Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize