dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
