my vag is so smooth its legendary
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
