i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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