Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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