Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
