before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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