I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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