it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
