It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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