A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I stole a fireplace last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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