I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
50% drunk capacity currently
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
