Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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