Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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