You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize