I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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