omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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