Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
