My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
