He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
