All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
