420 ftw
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
