Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
