Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
