Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
