There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
