Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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