Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
