I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize