I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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