Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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