Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
