we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
