Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
