I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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