the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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