i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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