Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
