I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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