How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
