I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
