i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
