New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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