Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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