so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
