just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
