Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Your cock deserves a montage
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
