Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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