You don't have asthma, your pregnant
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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