Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
