hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
