i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize