She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
