I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize