I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
