I'm lost and stupid without you.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
