Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
