I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
