You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
