question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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