kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
