He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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