i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
