so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
