im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
