he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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