I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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