I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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