Porn is love you can see.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
