Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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