I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
