I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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