If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize