Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
