Sry I called you an 8
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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