Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
