I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pants are for mortals
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
