I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish they made helmets for livers.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
