so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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