I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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