yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize