So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
