You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
