Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
