You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
