Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your cock deserves a montage
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize